God Isn't the Problem: Navigating 12-Step Recovery with Religious Trauma

I Almost Didn't Go.

When I first considered going to a 12-step meeting, I was desperate--but also on guard. I'd seen the word God in the steps. I'd heard the slogans. And after growing up around spiritual manipulation, I was suspicious of anything that even sounded like religion.

I didn't need someone preaching at me. I didn't need to be saved.

I needed to stop hurting.

But here's what I've learned:

God isn't the problem. People are.

And recovery--real recovery--gave me space to figure out the difference.

What Religious Trauma Actually Is

Religious trauma isn't just about bad church experiences. It's about chronic spiritual wounding--being controlled, silenced, or shamed under the guise of faith.

It's when:

- You were told your pain was due to lack of belief.

- You were punished for asking questions.

- You were taught your identity made you sinful.

- You feared hell more than you trusted love.

That kind of trauma doesn't disappear just because you sit in a recovery room. In fact, the language of "higher power" and "surrender" can trigger the exact same fear responses.

Why 12-Step Language Can Be So Triggering

Even though the steps say "God as we understood Him," those first few meetings can still feel like spiritual deja vu. Some people still use religious language heavily. Some meetings even close with the Lord's Prayer. And if you have religious trauma, it can feel like you're being asked to give up control--again.

But the truth is: you don't have to reclaim the God that hurt you.

You're allowed to define your own higher power--or none at all.

In fact, the very foundation of 12-step recovery is based on autonomy and honesty. If something doesn't sit right with you, that's not a flaw. That's your intuition trying to protect you.

What Helped Me Stay

I didn't walk into recovery and instantly feel safe.

I stayed because I started reclaiming the terms.

Here's what helped me navigate:

- I rewrote the word God in the steps to mean truth, connection, or integrity.

- I found meetings that weren't overly religious--or I made space for my own interpretation.

- I talked openly with my sponsor about my spiritual wounds. He didn't try to fix them. He listened.

- I gave myself permission to walk out of any meeting that felt manipulative or unsafe.

- I built a higher power that didn't look like the one I was raised with. Mine was quiet. Steady. Patient.

Recovery Isn't Religion

Let's be clear: recovery is not a religion.

There are no doctrines. No punishments. No one chasing you down if you stop showing up.

Recovery is spiritual, not dogmatic.

It's about connection--to yourself, to others, and to something greater than your own fear.

For me, the spiritual growth I've found in recovery is nothing like what I was taught growing up. It's gentler. More honest. It doesn't demand obedience. It invites reflection.

And it never tells me I'm unworthy.

My Faith, My Way

It's been 13 years since I started my recovery journey, and my relationship with spirituality is still evolving.

I no longer feel like I have to explain or justify what I believe.

I don't care if it looks "traditional."

I care if it helps me stay grounded and free.

And now, as someone who supports others through recovery--especially those with religious trauma--I do my best to offer what I never had:

A safe place to ask questions.

A model for spiritual autonomy.

A reminder that you get to choose.

If You're Hesitant, That's Okay

You don't have to believe in someone else's God to heal.

You don't have to repeat someone else's words to belong.

You just have to be willing to heal--on your terms.

Written by DJ Burr -- therapist, author, and human in recovery.

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